The full saying goes – “the hand the rocks the cradle, is
the hand that rules the world”.
Every child shares an unbelievably close bond with their
mother. What a mother eats, drinks, thinks or feels all go into shaping a child’s
physical health, mannerisms and thought process. Mothers are asked to surround
themselves with positive thoughts and friendly jovial people so that they are
always in a happy state of mind when they are carrying their child in their
womb. This theory is well substantiated by proof and hence we have no reason to
disbelieve it. So if a mother can influence her child’s mental state while he
is still within her, there is no reason why she cannot be a positive influence
on his life throughout. The hand that
rocks his cradle can indeed be a great influence in ensuring the child grows up
to be a law abiding, conscientious citizen.
Of course, there is no way that a person’s conduct depends
solely on his mother, parents, upbringing and environment. Human beings are
free thinkers and are exposed to numerous stimuli in their daily lives – which
cannot be controlled by a parent or anyone else. But yes, largely, a mother’s
influence on a child in his formative years can play a huge role in shaping the
way he thinks.
Right now, society is at its lowest point. It has become
increasingly unsafe for women to leave their houses late in the day, or even
when there is bright sunshine. So mothers -
this is specifically targeted at you. Make sure, that right from the
time your son is born, you teach him how to respect himself and others,
especially women. We speak of respecting women primarily, given the state of
women in society today.
Do not teach them that they are superior to their sisters;
do not give them the idea that they are better because they are boys. Make sure
your son learns how to share and does not grow up with the misguided notion
that he is allowed to take what he wants because he is a man. Talk to your son
when he makes remarks slighting women and their capabilities or their
intelligence. Teach him that considering women to be inferior is a mark of
weakness. When he is a young child in school, curb any intentions to bully
others.
When he grows older discourage him to treat women as use and
throw toys. Don’t accept his intentions to have many girlfriends. Teach him to
commit and to take responsibilities. Women are not there for dates and physical
pleasures alone.
Show your distaste for item numbers – when a child is
growing up, if he sees his parents showing their disgust at underdressed women
dancing to a tune, he will learn not to appreciate it either – even if it is in
jest. Yes, boys will be boys, but the notion that this is not quite right will
help him draw the boundaries when he has to.
Talk to him about women and sexual pleasure. Not of course,
delving into the gory details, but ensuring that he views them both as parts of
his life that are natural. Not to consider them as objects to wield power over
or use as a tool of dominance. Teach him about moderation, so that he learns to
not over indulge in excessive pleasures of alcohol, drugs or sex.
When he learns about sex and gender in his school, or when
he is curious about Khajuraho, don’t behave as though these topics are taboo –
speak to him and clear his doubts. Left un-channelled, this curiosity might
have grave repercussions. Above all, do not laugh in your discomfiture, your
son will imbibe the outlook that these are topics to be laughed about and
hidden away.
Ingrain in him that his actions are his alone. That if he
badmouths, abuses, hurts, assaults others he cannot explain it away by saying
he was under the influence of alcohol or that people were asking for it. That
the girl was “asking for it”. Tell him that if he is capable of such heinous crimes
then he will have to suffer the consequences and no amount of money will be
offered to bail him out.
If he participates in gender stereotyping, discourage it –
if he makes fun of transgender, make sure you show your displeasure so that he
understands it is wrong. Just because people are different that does not mean
they do not have equal right to society and a decent life.
Above all, teach your son the values of a good human being.
Tell him that the world and its people are there, not for him to exploit, but
for him to learn from. Teach him that his mother too, is a woman and that if he
respects her then there is no reason why he would not respect other women.
Guest post from www.glad2bawoman.com.
Glad2bawoman is an online media company with a growing
community of over 75,000 members. For women and about women, the articles on
the site encompass a variety of topics including Health, Empowerment, Leisure,
Fashion and Relationships.
